Resources > Community > Opinion >

Single Mom
Phintso Tuladhar

Ever since I was a little girl, playing house with friends, I always was a mommy and I had a male friend be a daddy and then of course had my doll as my baby. I guess, that's how most little girls play. In my mind, that's how normal life was and should be. Hindi movies influenced me to a certain extent and even though it was fictional, I got carried away by it just a little. I'm sure a lot of us did. Now as I look back at my life, I wish I had taught myself better.

Life is not as simple and easy as everyone imagines it to be and starting a family becomes an important phase in most peoples’ lives. I hoped to have a normal family and give my kids the life I didn't have. I’m now a 26-year-old “Single Mom”. How ironic is that? Life didn't quite turn out the way I’d imagined it to be, and I’ve learned to take life as it is and make the best out of it.

"My best wishes to all single moms. Kids are not easy to raise to begin with and to do it without help is mind blowing. I’m grateful for my family for being there for me and loving my daughter unconditionally."

Never in my wildest dream did I expect to become a “Single Mom”. I surprised myself. Not that I wanted to be — No Way! It was just my fate. At this day and age you can never tell, and even though it's still not totally accepted in our society, we have a handful of “Single Moms”. My best wishes to all single moms. Kids are not easy to raise to begin with and to do it without help is mind blowing. I’m grateful for my family for being there for me and loving my daughter unconditionally.

Women are amazingly strong people. We can handle situations at any given day without hesitation. When it comes to kids, we will sweat blood to take care of them. There are men who do the same but since I’m not familiar with single dads, I can't speak for them, but if you are taking care of your business right and your kids are your priority then, hats off to you.

I have a couple of friends who were or are single moms and we all share the same concerns and problems. Paying bills on time, making sure they are fed, have proper clothes to wear, taking them on outings, but foremost having time for them. It's heart breaking to leave them with babysitters and daycares that are not easy or cheap. We know that we all have to work and if we don't do it, no one will do it for us. We take care of business with or without help. I think kids are very intelligent, and they put up with a lot and understand our situations very well. Between visitation rights and child support they know that its us moms that do the most for them. There are a lot of deadbeat dads, who just don't care and there are dads who share responsibility. We all wish it was common but sad to say, its a rarity.

"Young girls think that having kids is easy. Its not at all!! Kids are not dolls and to have one 24 hours is no joke. There is always a time to have one when you’re responsible and mature enough. Don't rush into it."

Young girls think that having kids is easy. Its not at all!! Kids are not dolls and to have one 24 hours is no joke. There is always a time to have one when you’re responsible and mature enough. Don't rush into it.

In addition to raising kids on our own, we also have to deal with people who discriminate us. In some instances they change their views about our personalities as soon as they find out we have kids. Different terms are used to brand us and even though there are people who sympathize with us, there are people who just treat us very cold. In our society, a man falling in love with a woman with a child is like a NO- NO! Even before they get to know the girl, all hell breaks lose — arguments, family feuds, hatred, you name it. I understand that most families are trying to look out for their loved ones and want them to marry or live with someone who has never had a child before. Many men want that and I’ve heard people use terms like “comes with the package”, “ready made family”...so on and so forth and they forget that its very hurtful. The way I see it, it happens in every family, especially these days. At some point, someone in the family becomes a single parent and may go through tough times too. It's how life is and since times have changed, this is nothing compared to all the “what if” in life. Some people talk about how it has become such a “trend”. So what if its a trend!!! As long as two people understand and love each other with respect and know their place, give them a chance at love and live.

A good friend of mine who is a single mom now, got a second chance at love with her first love. He is a very good man and loves her regardless of whether she has a child or not. His family is also very welcoming and understands that things happen in life and no one should be penalized for it because of the choices they made in life. My friend is an amazing girl and he is very lucky to love her. As for his family, I applaud you, and hope that there are more families like you who have such big welcoming hearts.

" ...for me personally, the one thing that puts me off is, if a man tells me he will “ACCEPT” my daughter."

For me personally, the one thing that puts me off is, if a man tells me he will “ACCEPT” my daughter. What is that? Kids are not a thing or a pet. I don't think animals are even addressed in that manner. Kids living with a single parent should not be treated as a burden. They did not ask for to be born or become an excuse for other peoples insecurities. I’m sure they want siblings or do things like any regular child from a normal family. It’s the greatest feeling for a child to be loved by more than one person and feel like he has a family. I’ve met a lot of men who are such great role models and love their step kids like their own. I salute you and thank you for making a difference in a child’s life.

"A lot of people think that single moms are desperate for company and that we will settle for any man who comes our way. We know what we want in life and know that our priorities are our kids and we’d rather stay single, than let unfit men in our lives. "

A lot of people think that single moms are desperate for company and that we will settle for any man who comes our way. We know what we want in life and know that our priorities are our kids and we’d rather stay single, than let unfit men in our lives. Our love for our kids is different from our love for our partners and we hope that people understand that. We may have kids but we still have feelings and not to forget our “MOJO”. We are just like any eligible women, but with a child and if you think that it's too hard to handle, give other men a chance then. Other societies are more accepting of women with kids and I pray that women in our society will not be undermined, scared or mistreated because of their fate. Life takes us on different journeys and we live in an imperfect world and we should not discriminate each other. I don’t advocate for broken homes or ask people to change their beliefs but please don’t mistake our fate for our weakness. Be a little more open-minded and put your self in other people’s shoes before jumping to conclusions. We are peace loving, compassionate people and that is what makes us different. Don’t downplay who you are and let us set an example for the rest of the world

"Other societies are more accepting of women with kids and I pray that women in our society will not be undermined, scared or mistreated because of their fate. Life takes us on different journeys and we live in an imperfect world and we should not discriminate each other."